Like Peas in a Pod*

I read in the newspaper the other day (yes, some of us still read newspapers) that four intrepid “explorers” recently emerged from a year long isolation in a 3D printed habitat that sought to replicate what it would be like to live on Mars. What a shock!! I didn’t even know they were gone. It does explain why I didn’t get a response to my texts.

The Mars Dune Alpha enclosure provided only 1700 square feet of living space. That’s about the size of a two-bedroom, two-bathroom apartment in Philly. The crew was selected for their scientific expertise. Apparently, the model squad for a trip to Mars includes a biologist, structural engineer, physician, and microbiologist. The original concept was to use the Fantastic Four, but since their movies keep bombing that was scrapped.

The four-member crew had to pass the NASA qualifications for astronauts, which means they met muscle strength and aerobic standards. They also got to float in a pool while wearing a spacesuit and enjoy the “vomit comet”. While their ages weren’t given, photos of the crew emerging after their ordeal appeared to place them in their thirties or early forties. However, space is supposed to age you.

The two men and women spent their time carrying out tasks astronauts would face on an actual trip to Mars, including simulated spacewalks. NASA monitored the pseudonauts’ health and performance to learn how to support a crew during long missions and what risks there may be for humans, especially with limited nutrition. Speaking of nutrition, the troupe supplemented pre-packaged food with vegetables they grew themselves. It doesn’t appear there was room for a grill.

There are so many unanswered questions from the brief, sterile accounts of the journey that I could find. While the four came out smiling, where they really thinking, “I don’t ever again want to be in an airplane hanger with that creep let alone a space the size of an undergrad’s apartment.” Or “Another morning waking to an off-key rendition of Oklahoma, and they would have had their first faux space murder on their hands.”

Of course, what most people really want to know is, was there sex? My guess is that we’ll never know, but speculation will abound. It’s only natural. In every space movie we’ve ever seen male and female astronauts eventually hook up. (Heaven forbid we depict alliances of a same sex nature, even though that’s more likely considering the composition of most movie space crews). Doesn’t real life mimic the movies? Of course it does.

While there are questions that we cannot answer, the pandemic does give us some context for understanding the Mars Alpha experience. We too were virtually locked away from the world for over a year. We were pressed into prolonged contact with a small contingent and given little chance to escape. It would probably have been useful to have someone to monitor us throughout that time!!

Communication was easier. We had Zoom to keep us in touch, though after a while I prayed for any prolonged delay in transmission. You could get out to the grocery store, and that often felt like a moonwalk, with everyone masked and distanced as you floated down the produce aisle. A stroll through the neighborhood seemed like a Twilight Zone episode. There were few people to be seen and those you did pass robotically avoided eye contact, as if the virus could be spread through X-Ray vision.

To be honest though, the most apt context I have for the Mars Alpha experience was my first year of law school.  We weren’t isolated, but it certainly felt like it. Every day we would trudge into the same building and same classroom, surrounded by the same 50 or 60 people. There must have been others out there, but I really don’t remember interacting with them (except for the counter crew at Arby’s).

It was also pretty much a self-imposed news blackout. No doubt the world kept turning, politics kept happening and events of note occurred. But unless something shoved itself under my nose, I was too absorbed trying to figure out the oddities of federal jurisdiction or the rule against perpetuities to pay any attention. (If you want to learn about the rule against perpetuities watch the excellent Lawrence Kasden film Body Heat. They could have saved a lot of time by just showing us that film and skipping the textbook).

The advantage was that there were more than four people. After awhile you figured out who you wanted to hang with. You could avoid the others without too much problem. Not so easy when there are only four of you. I think an optimum crew might be about 10. Just enough that you could pick and choose a bit, though even then there would be no way to avoid that early morning crooning.

The denizens of my first year of law school also possessed necessary individual expertise. There were those who saved our sanity and taste buds by providing a home cooked meal every now and then. There were those willing to head to the rec room (Danny’s pub) to ease the tension. And there were those always planning one outing or another to get us out of the cocoon. The same essential balance as Mars Alpha.      

While we can relate somewhat to the would-be ‘nauts trial run to Mars, their future is uncertain. We were all preparing for things that we knew were going to happen. We were going to reemerge into the world once the pandemic passed. We were going to move onto careers once law school was over. I assume that someday there will be a trip to Mars, though who knows when that will be. When it does happen, it is unlikely that any of these four will be on part of that trip.

I would find that frustrating. If I was to be locked up for a year in a mock Mars expedition, I would want to be assured that the real deal would follow. That’s probably one of many reasons why I am not astronaut material. Regardless, I wish these four “Astronots” the best. I hope they got a taste of life on Mars beyond the Bowie song. I also hope they see their dream of a true Mars journey fulfilled even if they can’t participate. And I know that at the very least there will be one lesson learned from their earth trek – NO SHOW TUNES ALLOWED!!!!!   

*I am republishing this because it does not seem to have been distributed first time around.