It’s All About the Commercials

(I certainly have done nothing worth a retrospective or “best of”, but this was one of my favorites, so in honor of today’s Super Bowl I am republishing it. Enjoy the game).

I watched the Super Bowl by myself last Sunday. No one in my house had any interest whatsoever. In fact, they had no idea who was even playing (“Is it Florida versus the Dodgers?”). I don’t think that they would have even known that the game was coming up if Tom Brady hadn’t been in it. 

After the SB was over, I did get a perfunctory, “How was the game?”, but it was pretty clear that they did not want to hear about the Bucs defense shutting down Mahomes, or Brady going back to his old standby Gronk. If I said anything more than “It was kind of disappointing” I could see their eyes quickly glaze over and knew to go no further. 

I did, however, get the inevitable follow up question, “How were the commercials?”. It dawned on me that by no longer going into the office we were all missing out on the great American tradition of debating which of the SB commercials was the funniest or most clever. Even worse, I couldn’t even answer the question from my family because I hadn’t watched any of the commercials (and there were a lot of them). 

The truth of the matter is that I hate commercials, and not just because they interrupt whatever show I’m watching. I hate them because they are so damn seductive. I know that all commercials are lies. Commercials are not selling products, but a lifestyle that doesn’t really exist. I don’t care what the product is, the world does not all of a sudden become bright and sunny because you use it. 

I know that Old Spice is not going to bring beautiful women running to my side (as if I would want that with my lovely wife). I know that wearing Nikes is not going to give me the ability to jump as high as Michael Jordan. I know that Tide is not going to be any better than Sun Triple Clean in getting rid of that red wine I just spilled on my shirt. I know that buying a Jeep Grand Cherokee is not going to result in my visiting the top of pristine mountains.  

I know all that, but I cannot ignore that commercials influence what I buy. I shy away from Pepsodent and buy Crest or Colgate again and again, who knows why. Every year when the Toyota Sell-a-Thon comes around I ask myself whether I should get a new car (and head for the mountains). Heinz is the only ketchup I will buy (a pox on Hunts). I just can’t help myself. (I am not going to compound the problem by putting up pictures of these products).   

What is truly insidious is that this is commercials have so much influence on me despite my avoidance of them whenever possible. When the SB commercials came on, I muted the TV and read a few pages in my book, or worked on a crossword. (There is no truth to the rumor that I changed channels to watch a Love Boat marathon and missed most of the third quarter, though it was a “Very Special Love Boat” where Gopher confesses to Julie that he is terrified of going out onto the deck because he is afraid of being eaten by a whale. Julie laughs at him, calling him Jonah much to the delight of Isaac and Doc, until Captain Stubing steps in and teaches them all a lesson about tolerance – Buddy Hackett and Raquel Welch guest star). This is my normal practice when I watch television and yet the commercials sneak through. 

I just have to admit that the advertising people are better than I am. They know how to get under your skin and install their earworms into your psyche. I still can recite “Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame-seed bun”, and I never even liked Big Macs!!! All you can do is be aware of the influence advertisers have, and fight it when you can. Try the generic and where you can’t tell the difference, stick with it. Get those pictures of Shiny, Happy People out of your head and buy what seems best for what you need. 

By the way, I did go back and watch the SB commercials on the internet, which is what I used to do to be able to join in those water cooler conversations at work. I liked the Tracy Morgan commercials, though I don’t know why all of a sudden having athletes pummel regular people, like in that James Harrison FanDuel ad, is suddenly a thing. Will Farrell is always funny, and the commercial with Paralympian Jessica Long was touching. That being said, I am going to make it a point not to buy ANY of the products those commercials were selling. So there!!!!!😝😝😝