I have watched more of the Olympics this year than I have in quite a while. Part of that is circumstances beyond my control, but more than that they have been pretty darn entertaining. I find myself drawn into events that I wouldn’t have given any thought to only a few weeks ago.
The reason I drifted away from the Olympics is that they can be repetitive. You can only watch so many contestants gallop around the equestrian course while the announcers’ ooh and ahh over two second differences before the mind numbs. It is worse in the Winter Olympics where sports like luge or downhill skiing are so monotonous they have all of the excitement of a traffic jam, unless of course there is a crash.
The timed races, however, can be thrilling. The other day I found myself watching the 10,000-meter final – 25 laps around the track. I was about to turn it off at lap 3, when I became engaged by the strategy of the Ethiopian team, who took turns setting a pace they hoped would knock other runners out of the competition. Despite their efforts, an American runner stayed with them throughout. It was clear he was going nowhere. By the time there were only 5 laps left you knew a great ending was coming. The final kick, where some dropped back and others surged, put you on the edge of your seat. When the American runner managed to withstand challengers to win the Bronze – the first American medal in this event in over 50 years – it was all you could do not to stand up and cheer.
It’s not just the Americans that generate goosebumps. The charge by Frenchman Victor Perez on the back nine in the final round of the golf, where he went six under on five consecutive holes, was electric, and not just for the French. So was the Women’s 100m win by Julien Alfred of Saint Lucia, especially because her island is so small she has to turn around at 50m just to finish a practice heat (or so I heard). And there is something special about a country at war winning a gold, as did Yaroslava Mahuchikh of Ukraine in the High Jump.
Watching the games makes me want to live in a city hosting the Olympics, though that’s probably a ‘be careful what you wish for’ fantasy. Philly would be ideal as a host city, if it was part of an I-95 bid that included New York, Baltimore and Washington D.C. (The Amtrak Games?) Of course, if we did that New York would soak up all the big events as well as the opening and closing ceremonies. Still, some Philly flavor would be a great enhancement.
The Inquirer posted its selection of Philadelphia specific events last Sunday which included some usual suspects like greased pole climbing, and some incongruous choices, like chicken eating and boxing on the Art Museum steps (Yawn!!). They missed out on some of the truly unique gems that Philly could offer.
For example, a 400m alley race would be terrific. Contestants would have to run across cobblestones, leap over obstacles, like discarded mattresses, and avoid the various unhoused sleeping in doorways. Competitors could also choose to ride an abandoned shopping cart, though there is always the danger that the wheels have been locked. Extra points could be awarded for stopping to give a hungry person a sandwich.
A Philadelphia bicycle road rally would be breathtaking. Cyclists would have to dodge the vans, cars and construction vehicles parked in designated bike lanes, while keeping an eye out for motorists running red lights and gunning through intersections. A special pedestrian medal could be added for those that can evade the Doordash motorbikes on the sidewalks.
A particularly fun event would be the stadium boo-a-thon, where pampered athletes would have to withstand non-stop abuse while trying to complete their tasks. Even though these would be summer games, snow could be imported to pelt the Olympic mascot, and Santa Claus too, if he dares show his face again.
Not all events would have negative connotations. A Reading Terminal marathon would call-on participants to sample food from each of the 30 or so food vendors. Old City Coffee stations would be available throughout, though contenders can opt for a smoothie, or some fresh-pressed juice from the Four Seasons Juice Bar (not to be confused with the more infamous Four Seasons Landscaping).
The finale could be a scavenger hunt locating Philadelphia specific items. For example, contestants would have to find each of the seemingly 40-some Benjamin Franklin impersonators and identify 20 of his inventions scattered around the City (no, he did not create the first cheesesteaks). They would also have to take selfies in front of 100 of the 4,000 murals adorning City walls. Finally, they would count how many people line up in a given day to take their picture with the Rocky statue in front of the Art Museum (if they can count that high).
Even if the final ceremonies were held in New York, Philadelphia would still be represented. Will Smith could come charging out of the crowd and slap Mayor Eric Adams. Jason Kelce would be there in full mummer regalia chugging a Victory ale. We would bring back Chase Utley to lead a F**k New York cheer. It would be glorious.
Well, I must end this now. Greco-Roman wrestling is coming on and while I have no idea what that is, I have to see the Zholaman Sharshenbekov (Kyrgyzstan) vs, Mehdi Mohsen Nejad (Iran) match. Go Zholly!!!!.