As I retire from the Board of The Joshua Project (JP4Men.org), a non-profit dedicated to providing meaningful rites-of-passage experiences for young men moving into the meaning of mature masculinity, I feel a need to shine a light. Tom has mentioned in earlier posts that we appear to be lacking any societal rituals or norms that help boys develop in a healthy way. Tom’s post discussed young men and their lack of .. uh .. ‘college completion’? He ruminated on this as resulting from a gap in our societal focus. He is correct. I just did not feel his conclusion went deep enough.
From everything I have seen, we, as a society, are unable to find space to allow men, and more specifically young men, to explore their archetypical balance. These boys need to discover who they are, how they should act, and what their future holds. They need to find their place as adults in our communities. You know, they need to become mature men.
In calling for a focus on the maturation of young men I am not looking to diminish the justly deserved push towards gender equality, or the expanding role of women in our society. As a father of two successful young women, I have seen the societal pressures on young women and applaud our efforts to make sure that every girl can develop into the strong, mature woman she wants to be. Nor am I talking about what the internet, magazines or media think either one of our genders ‘ought to be’, or how they should interact.
What I am referring to is the breakdown in our society in the instruction of how boys become men. Boys do not need understanding or pity. They need role models and the tools to become the strong, mature men they want to be. As our society has changed, and our expectations of men has been altered, our failure to provide those tools has the potential to lead to disastrous results.
I suppose the foregoing paragraph can be considered my theory statement. But it leaves a question to be answered. Can I “prove we have this issue”?
As we have shifted our educational focus almost exclusively on preparation for college, we have diminished traditionally male careers. Shop class and vo-tech training appears as an afterthought. Young men who are interested in these pursuits are too often looked down upon as second-class citizens, almost as if we are asking whether a young man can pursue a trade and still be ‘useful to society’. With the push towards college as the ultimate goal for high school students, women have outpaced men in academia, and seem better poised to take advantage of this focus. It feels as if it points to a maturation difference between the sexes. Studies show this is true. (Of Boys to Men)
The seeming frustration among boys with these expectations has shown itself in some troubling statistics, like suicide rates. More young males commit suicide than young females. The reason for this may be complex, but clearly we are failing these young men.
In the book “King, Warrior, Magician, Lover: Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Mature Masculine”, Jungian psychologists Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette argue that males are genetically born with four archetypes. The King, the Warrior, the Magician, and the Lover. Yes, inherited genetic archetypes. We tend to shy away from such designations because of the propensity of some to bend such concepts into ideologies of domination. However, as Moore and Gillette show, these archetypes transcend time, are intrinsic to all men, and have nothing to do with supremacy nor superiority.
How does a young man be a “King” without knowing what a King truly is? Does he understand that a King is someone who takes control of his PERSONAL realm? Can a young man even control that realm? Even if he can, does he understand how to use that control in a positive way for both himself and those around him?
The other archetypes provide similar opportunities for positive mature growth. The “Magician” promotes the power of knowledge, initiation and transformation. The “Warrior” recognizes a tendency toward aggressive action, but channels that in a positive way to meet goals. The “Lover” revels in our connection to others and the world around us.
A failure to recognize these archetypes allows their shadow to predominate, and immature males to emerge. The Magician becomes a hoarder of knowledge, doing nothing constructive with it. The Warrior vacillates between misspent aggression and inaction. The Lover becomes self-centered and manipulative.
These shadows of the male archetypes need to be exposed for what they are. Dead ends. But without the tools, knowledge, and technology to be successful how are young men going to properly channel these instincts? Are they going to get that guidance from Movies? Video games? School? Da Boys? Gangs? Jackin’ a car may make a kid appear strong to his buddies, but it does not make a man.
How does a dude learn this stuff? What can we do?
Well, I guess the first step is awareness of the fact that the pendulum has swung away from raising healthy boys to become men in their mature fullness. We have left the boys behind. More men need to step up and get involved.
At the Joshua Project we seek to provide meaningful rites of passage for young men moving into manhood. We look to encourage adult/youth mentoring relationships that can help steer boys to understand the drives within them and properly channel those drives. We use the archetypes as a means of creating compassionate, perceptive, discerning men.
So, as I step away from my official capacity, I am worried. I wish I could have done more. I am not going to quit helping and being involved, but younger men than I need to step up. We have work to do.