Won’t You Be My Neighbor (NOT!!)

Bill is back in the Hood. Seems like old times. I have no doubt that soon he’ll be hosting a barbecue, mixing the drinks himself, of course, with Jello Pops for dessert. Making us all laugh with his stories of his time in the pen. Drawing indelible verbal pictures of his new crew, Skinny C.K., Weird Harvey, Irish Billy O, the Spaceman, “Mushmouth” Rose and Dumb Donald. Hey, Hey, Hey!!!! I see a new show coming down the pike, maybe entitled “Women Say the Darndest Things”. 

I’ve been friends with Bill my whole life. We go way back to his days as Alexander Scott in the groundbreaking show “I Spy”. Even more, his comedy albums were some of my earliest companions. We laughed together over Noah (God: I want you to build an ark. Noah: Right … What’s an ark?). The first time I got on a subway all I could think of was “A Nut in Every Car”. I never looked at The Lone Ranger the same way after Bill mimed his confrontations with Tonto and Silver. (“The bandits have an eight mile lead! …” “Don’t worry about a thing! … Hi Yo Silver!” “WAIT A MINUTE!! Are you crazy?! Get off my back!”). 

I was pretty much done with sitcoms by the time The Cosby Show came along, but I could certainly appreciate its impact. And I remember sitting with my mom laughing at Kids Say the Darndest Things (not to be confused with his proposed new show). There was no doubt that Bill Cosby Was a Very Funny Fellow Right! Unfortunately he was so much more.  

Bill is home in large part due to the efforts of the newest member of his crew, Braindead Bruce. Good Ole Braindead testified that he agreed to forego prosecution of Bill for sexual assault, so that Bill could not avoid testifying in a civil case arising from the same assault. In a press release at the time Braindead said that he “declines to authorize the filing of criminal charges in connection with this matter”. This was found by the Court to be an “unconditional promise of non-prosecution”, which Bill relied on in testifying in the civil case. It therefore threw out his conviction, and also found that the record was so tainted that Bill could not be retired.  

There are real problems with this finding. There is no record outside of the press release for this agreement. As pointed out by the lower courts and in the Philadelphia Inquirer, Braindead has been inconsistent about what exactly he agreed to. When Bruce was running for office in 2015, he was “wrestling in my mind on ways to try to figure out how to use the new info about the deposition to create a favorable atmosphere for a prosecution”. He never mentioned that Cosby was forever shielded from prosecution. He also specifically pointed to a line in the press release where he said that “he will reconsider this decision should the need arise”.  

I really think that Braindead was a convenient excuse for the Pennsylvania Supreme Court to dismiss this case without establishing troubling precedent, or bringing criticism down on themselves. The Court was clearly concerned that the pretrial publicity surrounding Bill made it impossible to have a fair trial. Montgomery County brought jurors in from the other side of the state, but surely they knew of the many allegations from other women about Bill (Of course they knew. And don’t call me Shirley). However, a ruling on that basis would have called into question the ability to hold a trial in any high-profile case. 

They were also undoubtedly troubled by admission of the testimony from other women asserting that Bill had drugged and then forced himself upon them. As a general rule, courts are reluctant to admit evidence of other criminal conduct at a trial. The question is whether the defendant committed the crime for which they are charged, not any others. There are exceptions to this general rule, and the trial and lower appellate court relied on those exceptions to uphold the conviction. My guess is that the Supreme Court, but did not want to take heat by deciding that this testimony should have been excluded.   

Luckily for the Supremes, Braindead Bruce came to their rescue. They could be fairly certain that they were not setting any precedent, because no other Prosecutor could be so incompetent and buffoonish as to agree to full immunity without a carefully written statement as to what he is granting, as well as a written agreement to the deal from the both the victim and the accused. They had to be giggling at the thought of someone using a press release to document something that important, without documenting the buy-in he allegedly secured. 

What is perhaps most astounding, and vile, is that after the ruling came out Braindead said that he was “vindicated” by the Supreme Court ruling. What a disgustingly amoral scumbag (not douchebag – thanks Anne) he must be to gloat over the release of a convicted sexual predator, holding it up as some sort of personal triumph. Even if he truly believes that he absolved Bill of prosecution for all time, it takes unmitigated gall to celebrate his release. He clearly could care less about the women involved.   

Upon reflection, I think that I will skip the welcome back barbecue. Let Bill and his new buds yuk it up. We are done. If the crew gets too loud, I might call the police, though my guess is that will do little good. Bill is who he is, and while the Supremes could throw out his conviction, and Braindead Bruce could crow at his repatriation, they cannot mask or dispel the stench that wafts over the neighborhood emanating from his abode. 

P.S. I thought it would be inappropriate to add pictures to this post.        

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